Outfit of the day 18/03/2018

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It’s snowing in London! Again! Just when we thought winter was over the cold came back. But this didn’t stop us from going out and taking some pictures. Gotta do what you gotta do, right?

I went out with a colleague to shoot and to teach her how to use Lightroom. She lives near Tower Bridge and she knew the perfect spot to take pictures. I never even knew that you could get the Shard and Tower Bridge into one frame. Most people go to Tower Hill to take photos of the Tower Bridge, but as the Shard is on the same side as Tower Hill you wouldn’t be able to take a photo of both of them.

I really want to share my favourite London Photo spots with you. There are so many cool neighbourhoods, corners, shops and houses that are perfect for IG or blog photos.

Do you have any favourite spots in London?

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Suffering from depression: My story

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This post is something that I wanted to do for a long time, yet I was and I still am really afraid to talk about it.

Those of you who view my Instagram stories already know that I am dealing with depression and anxiety. I have suffered from them for a while now and I have had a really hard time in the past months. Now living in a new country and working my first full-time job, I have to say that I am more than proud of myself for getting my life back on track. I wish I could say that I never gave myself up but that just isn’t the truth. There were times when I wanted to quit everything. I didn’t see the point of carrying on. Everything seemed hopeless.

I know that depression is different for everyone and that it must be really hard for people who don’t suffer from it to understand what you’re going through. For me it is as if there is always someone following me, telling me that I just shouldn’t  trust people, that I am not good enough and that everything that goes wrong is my fault.

I had really bad experiences in the past. Things happened and I never talked about them. I kept silent for years. Being blamed by others made me blame myself. Yes, I have been abused – both sexually and physically. And yes, the abusers were people I knew and trusted. In the end, they blamed me. Because I didn’t do anything about it. Because I had it coming. I thought about it a lot, about what caused people to do those things to me. I just couldn’t find a reason. But because they had told me that it was my own fault I started to believe it. And instead of feeling anger I felt guilt and shame.

Years went by and I never talked about it. I tried to forget what had happened and I learned to live with the guilt that I felt.

It was really hard for me to trust people. I pushed people who were kind away from me because I was scared to get hurt again. When I entered my last relationship I felt relieved. I trusted him. But months went by and I found out about some things that made me doubt him. But instead of telling me the truth he continued to keep secrets. I did everything I could to find out the truth, knowing that it would hurt me. When I did I got blamed for finding out and I took the blame. Over and over again.

Both my mental and my physical health got really bad and I tried to hide it. Because I blamed myself for the things that had happened. I always felt that I wasn’t enough, no matter how hard I tried. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. I suffered from panic attacks, anxiety and depression. I tried to hide from the truth. I tried to hide from my feelings. On Thanksgiving, I ended up in the hospital. I guess it was because part of me finally accepted the truth and another part of me couldn’t deal with it. When I got out of the hospital I went to Brazil – my safe place –  where I had made so many happy memories in the past. I went there still hoping everything would turn out right and I came back to find my whole life falling apart. Without a home, a job or a relationship I was forced to regain my strength and figure out a plan B.

I spent Christmas time alone in a place that suddenly didn’t feel like home anymore. I was told that I wasn’t welcome anymore.

I started to apply for jobs in London. A city that somehow always felt like home-away-from-home to me.

On January 3rd I had an appointment with my therapist and she advised me to go to a local clinic. This made me panic, I was really afraid. Of the therapy, the people there and of what others would think about me. I told her that I would come back with a decision the following day.

And I did. I spend the following 9 days in a “crisis” ward of the hospital. It was the right decision for me. I didn’t have to worry about my “outside” environment. I learned how to calm myself down, to accept that not everyone shares my morals and ethics. I met people who made me realise that a mental illness does not mean that you are insane or crazy. It is something completely normal. Something we should talk openly about. Something that can effect everyone.

A week later I went to London because I got offered a job. I did not know what to expect, but I knew that it wouldn’t be easy. Luckily I found a room, my work is awesome and I love the city.

I still have to deal with panic attacks, I still feel lonely and I still suffer from the things that happened in the past. But I am getting better. I am getting stronger.

[ If you know anyone who suffers from a mental illness such as depression, please offer them your help but don’t force them to do something. Don’t say “other people have it way worse” don’t put any more pressure on them. Just be there for them. ]

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Welcome to London

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I’m sorry for not being active in the last weeks. As you might know, I left Berlin for good and moved to London. Something that’s always been a dream of mine.

  • December 22nd: I sent out my job application
  • January 19th: Got accepted for the job
  • January 21st: Flew to London
  • January 21st: Viewed an apartment
  • January 24th: Signed my apartment contract
  • January 25th: First day at work
  • February 5th: Moved into the apartment

It all went by pretty fast and I was super lucky that everything turned out the way it did. It is really hard to find a landlord who allows you to bring a pet. Luckily my landlord was really understanding and allowed me to take my dog with me.

Which is also super complicated! You can’t fly to the UK with a pet and you can’t take the Eurostar. The only way to bring your pet to the UK is by car. Which brings me to my next problem. I am 23 and I have a German driving license. However, most car rental companies want you to be 25+ years or expect you to pay a huge amount of money.

But don’t worry – Lumos is coming here by the end of the month.

I will definitely be more active now. I will provide you guys with the whole “Welcome to London” package including:

  • An apartment tour
  • Things I wish I knew before moving here
  • My favourite places in London
  • What and where to eat in London
  • How to bring your dog to the UK

 

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My New Year’s Resolutions | 2018

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I know it’s really cliché to have resolutions and most people don’t keep up with them, but I never had any. So this year I made a New Year’s Resolutions list for the first time ever. I thought about what I need and want to change and I came up with a view things that I think are worth sharing.

 

Things I want to change about myself:

  • I want to take better care of my body. In 2017 I hardly worked out, I’m naturally really skinny so I never had the pressure to work out. But this year I want to do boxing again, just because I have so much energy and I don’t wanna waste it.

 

  • The past few months my body definitely told me to change some things. My mental health is my number one priority now. I suffered from so many panic attacks that I ended up in the hospital a couple of months ago. NEVER ignore the signs your body and mind give you. If you have to take a break – DO IT! Your mental health is more important than everything else.

 

  • Be kinder. Actually, I already decided on this one mid-2017, there is so much hate in our world already, that I don’t wanna spread any more. Cutting hate out of your life will make you much happier. Practise forgiveness and kindness and good things will follow. If you can choose between love and hate, always choose love.

 

  • Don’t give up on yourself. If you do something that you like, hang in there! The feeling when you finish it is just the best.

 

  • I want to care less about what other people think of me. In the past, this was one of my biggest problems. I got up every morning and the first thing I did was look at my body in the mirror. I owned so many clothes that I never wore, just because I was so insecure. So many times I didn’t do something because I was told: “men don’t like it”. I went to parties just to impress people. In 2018 I will do things because I like them, I will wear certain clothes because I think I look great in them. It’s my life and in the end what matters is that I was happy and not how other people thought of me.

 

Places I want to visit:

  • Iceland ( I would have gone there this winter, but many things changed and I wasn’t able to go.)
  • Tokyo
  • New York or Boston
  • Amsterdam
  • Paris ( I want to visit Paris once a year)

 

Things I want to learn:

  • French
  • I want to improve my photography
  • I want to improve my handwriting

 

Bad habits I want to break:

  • Touching my hair so much
  • Interrupting people
  • Skipping meals

 

Clothes I want to wear more:

  • Heels (yes, I know I’m 6’0″)
  • Skirts

 

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My favorite hairstyles in 2017

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I wore my hair in so many different styles this year. My braiding skills improved a lot since I received my package from Barefoot Blonde Hair. So here are my favorite hairstyles in 2017.

 

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1. The Thick Side Braid

This one is probably the easiest one. Put in your extensions (I used 1x four clips, 2x three clips and 1x two clips). Once they’re all in start braiding a normal three strand braid but pause to pull it apart. This will give it some extra chunkiness.

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2. The halfway fishtail

This is one of my favorites. If you know how to do a fishtail braid then this one is super easy! I used the three clips and the two clips for this one. Separate your hair in the middle and braid two equally big fishtail braids. Stop halfway down and secure them with an elastic. Just curl the ends et voilà you’re done.

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3. Two fishtails

Yes, it’s pretty boring, I know, but this is super quick and perfect for windy days. Just repeat the steps on number 2, but braid almost all the way to the end. Secure and pull out some strands from the front. That’s it!

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4. The velvet bow

If you like it a bit more festive then this one’s for you! I used the 4 clips and the 3 clips for the bottom part and the 2 clips for the top part. Clip in your bottom clips and then lift the top part and secure the 2 clips. Tie the top part with an elastic and curl all the hair. I used a straightener for my curls. Tie a velvet, satin or whatever bow around the top part and secure it with a bobby pin on the back side. I got my velvet bow from a craft store. This gives you the perfect classy look.

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5. The pigtails

Classic pigtails are always an option. They’re perfect for bad hair days and super quick to make. For these, I used one 4 clips and the 3 clips. I ALWAYS pull out the front pieces just because I feel that it gives the look a little something.

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This post is not sponsored. I bought the products myself.

A Christmas Day Walk

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It’s boxing day. How fast this year went by, right? Sadly we didn’t have any snow in Berlin this Christmas.

This Christmas my mother visited me in Berlin and I spent a couple of days with her. It’s sort of a Christmas tradition in my family to go for a walk on Christmas Eve. My hometown is close to the sea, so normally we take our walk there.

We chose to go to Mitte and grab a coffee there. I was really hoping to have at least one day of snow this December, but sadly there wasn’t any this year. Growing up in Germany I am used to having snow at least once a year. Maybe I’ll have more luck on my birthday (which is next month btw).

I hope all of you had happy holidays!

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  • Boots: Hunter Boots
  • Coat: Zara (last season)
  • Sweater: Zara (probably not available anymore)

Summer day at Barigui Park

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On Monday I went to Brazil. I was an exchange student in Curitiba in 2012 and I kind of left half of my heart here. The people, the food, the nature – everything is just so nice.

I’ll be in Brazil for a total of 16 days, two weeks here in Curitiba and then 2 days in Rio. This is my second time coming “home” after my exchange year, the last time I was here was in December/January of 2014/15. Back then I celebrated Christmas with my host family here in Curitiba and NYE in Rio with friends.

I had a pretty hard time the last few months, so I decided to go back to my “happy place”.

One of my favorite places in Curitiba is the “Parque Barigui” – the cities most famous park. It was one of the first places I visited here and I fell in love with it. People go there to walk their dogs, run, relax or have picnic.

My (host) sister and I went there with our dog Smartie, we walked around the lake and had coconut water.

Stay tuned for more posts about Brazil

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Outfit:

  • Dress: Asos
  • Hair: Barefootblondehair